


How They Make Stars

by badjujuboo (miztrezboo)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Friends With Benefits, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 11:57:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9819356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miztrezboo/pseuds/badjujuboo
Summary: So Jordie sort of had Tyler, and Tyler didn't have Jamie, and Jamie didn't know about any of it and it worked.Until it didn't.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from this quote by Mary Lambert "I want every piece of me to crash into every piece of you. I swear to god that's how they make stars"
> 
> For my sweet potato who always knows what to say. Thanks to Su for the beta, another fandom she has no idea about, and Naomi for her critiques and who really, is the sole reason I'm into hockey fandom dating way back from 2014 xxx
> 
> Follows the 2016-17 season in that vague way when we had hope.

_‘And I loved you…_  
_Down to the lines on your hands_  
_And the crooks of your knees._

_With your broken eyes_  
_And your crooked smile,_  
_I loved you…”_

 

 

“I'm gonna come, oh god, I'm gonna _come_ ,” Jordie gasped as Tyler pressed Jordie’s knees together harder, fucked Jordie deeper - hitting just the right spot.

Tyler cursed, licking at the sweat beading across his top lip, his brown eyes dark and clouded with lust, focused entirely on Jordie like he was the only thing that mattered.

‘You like this, don't you?” Tyler asked. He had Jordie’s back pressed deep into the sofa, his legs twisted up and to the side; it made everything tighter, so much closer. Jordie could barely keep hold of the cushions under him, doing anything just to hang on. His body shook as Tyler's hand slid up over Jordie's thigh, resting on his hip. “You're so tight like this, how the fuck are you so _tight_?”

Jordie didn't know how to answer, whether he should admit there was never anyone between the last time with Tyler and the next. He leaned up instead, met Tyler halfway, wrapping his hand around the back of Tyler's neck and squeezing as their lips met, slick between them. Kissing was Tyler's favourite thing when they were having sex. He’d slow everything down just to lick inside Jordie’s mouth, roll their tongues against each other, bite and nip and bruise their lips raw.

Jordie broke away to groan, a particular thrust of Tyler's rubbing right against his prostate, taking him from nearly there to _there_ in a second.

“I need—” he choked out, unable to get anything else through, but Tyler understood.

He shifted Jordie’s legs apart, somehow remaining inside him as he tucked his arms under Jordie’s knees and spread him wide. Jordie finally took hold of himself, stripping his cock fast in time to Tyler's thrusts. He groaned as come shot out, soft white splattering over his stomach as Tyler watched, eyes locked on each other.

“So hot, you're so fucking _hot_ , babe,” Tyler said, rubbing his hand over the quivering muscles in Jordie’s thighs.

Jordie didn’t say anything - couldn’t really, as his whole body was shivering with aftershocks. Goosebumps peppered his skin, the hairs on his arms standing on end from what felt like Tyler's gaze alone. Tyler wasn’t moving; he was just staring at Jordie with a look that Jordie couldn't read.

Jordie leaned up again, sliding his hand up over the straining muscles in Tyler’s arm. He fingered the curls at the nape of Tyler's neck before gripping hard and pulling Tyler back in. They kissed again, Jordie dragging them both down, wanting to keep Tyler close. Tyler's weight settled warm and welcome over him. He couldn't stop his fingertips from gliding over Tyler’s sweat damp skin, along the roundness of Tyler's ass and between. Jordie felt a shiver run up Tyler’s spine as the tip of his finger grazed Tyler's hole. He swallowed the moan from Tyler’s mouth as he did it again, adding pressure, more of an answer than a question.

Jordie was still sensitive as Tyler started rocking into his touch. Every push and pull between them had Jordie riding the fine line between too much and not enough. It was good, though. _So_ good. Jordie’s cock was still half hard, and with Tyler still pressed right up against his prostate, it was as if Jordie hadn't finished coming. As if he could still come again.

“Feels awesome,” Tyler hummed, his voice hitching up a notch as Jordie’s finger slid inside up to the first knuckle, slick from sweat and spit, from the messy blowjob that had started it all. “Feels so good, _fuck_ . . . unbelievably good,” Tyler grinned, mouth brushing Jordie's quick. He rose back up on a moan, riding Jordie’s finger, fucking shallowly into Jordie once more.

It was a trip seeing how much Tyler liked this, how Tyler was coming undone from Jordie's touch. Jordie didn’t hesitate to add another finger, fucking into Tyler faster, watching with interest as Tyler’s neck and chest flushed red with heat. The hand Tyler had on Jordie’s hip gripped so hard it hurt, the other a nonstop survey of Jordie’s body, mapping every surface of flushed, heated skin.

“More, Jordie, I . . . feels so . . . _fuck_ , I’m gonna come, you're gonna make me come, oh fuck, _fuck_!” Tyler's entire body went taut, jaw clenched, eyes shut tight.

God, he was beautiful.

Jordie swore he could feel the moment Tyler spilled inside him, even with the latex barrier between them. Tyler fell forward, almost squashing Jordie, his mouth hot and breath wet against Jordie's throat. The longer they lay together, the more intimate it felt. It was something Jordie had found himself wondering about lately, how comfortable their arrangement had started to become. Eventually Tyler tilted his face up, catching Jordie in a surprisingly sweet kiss.

Words didn’t seem necessary, even though Jordie had a few questions about how things had started to feel different when they did this near burning at the back of his tongue. He kept quiet, though; no need to change the status quo. Not yet. Not when he had this much of Tyler and it worked.

Tyler pulled out after another minute, pushed them both upstairs to Jordie's bathroom to clean up. It never struck Jordie as weird how comfortable Tyler was in Jordie's house. How comfortable they were together like this. Though Jordie did find himself wondering if it was different because they were friends as well as occasional lovers. If the way Tyler seemed to want to take care of Jordie on a gradually increasing number of occasions was just because they were buds or because it was becoming something different on his part, too. Jordie tried to put it out of mind as they both washed off, Tyler making a point of washing Jordie's back with a gentle touch.

It was way too late for Tyler to do anything but stay over, not even asking as he slid into bed, dragging Jordie with him. The last thing Jordie felt before falling asleep was Tyler's lips against his chest, the softest brush of warmth, and a whispered “Goodnight.”

***

The thing was, nobody was supposed to get hurt. Well, any more hurt than endless pining after something so intangible, unachievable, ever could make you feel.

The lines were simple.

Tyler was in love with Jamie.

Jamie was in a relationship with someone decidedly not Tyler.

Jordie sort of found himself watching Tyler and maybe wanting one-tenth of the heart eyes Tyler shone Jamie's way to be focused on him instead.

Jordie didn't mind sloppy seconds - made peace with the idea, actually, after one drunken night, one super sad Tyler and one “I just want you to shut up about my brother for _one fucking minute_ ” blow job that probably shouldn't have happened. Or the reciprocal hand job after. Or the morning after unexplained and unapologised for rutting against each other, either.

So Jordie sort of had Tyler, and Tyler didn't have Jamie, and Jamie didn't know about any of it and it worked.

***

Until it didn't.

***

It wasn't a great bar, the beer on tap was that hipster microbrew shit that Spezza was currently into. Seeing as they’d let Spezz pick the place after his fight on the ice, it wasn't like Jordie could really whine about it.

It was a win and Jordie’d even got an empty netter in the third, which by all rights he should be celebrating tonight. He should be knocking back drinks like the rest of them, not sitting here half listening to Rouss wax philosophical about some movie he and Klingberg had watched on the flight home from Chicago near a week ago.

He shouldn't be staring at the bar, watching as Tyler touched Jamie's hip to get his attention, threw his arm around Jamie's neck and leaned in close to be heard over the country and old school rock this place seemed to like to mash. He shouldn't be all torn up about the easy smile that seemed to never leave Tyler's face, a warm reflection in his eyes while he had Jamie's attention. Shouldn't feel relief when Tyler’s face dropped every second that Jamie spent texting on his phone.

Katie probably gave him a few hours. It had been closer to three.

It shouldn't feel as good as it did when Jamie shrugged Tyler off, smiled and waved his goodbye to the crowd of teammates still gathered at the table and over at the other end of the bar. He really shouldn't have felt the sharp spike of gratification he did when he saw Tyler’s shoulders drop, saw Tyler’s face fall.

Jordie had known for a while now that what he and Tyler were getting out of this friends-with-benefits deal wasn't on as equal a footing as they’d agreed on.

Still, minutes later when Tyler dropped into Jordie’s lap and whispered in his ear just what he wanted to do to help Jordie celebrate his goal properly . . . it didn't stop Jordie from taking Tyler home.

***

It wasn't like Jordie hoped for anything. He tried not to expect more than the friendship he'd cultivated with Tyler since Jamie brought him back to their apartment rumpled from the plane, eyes weary from more than just travel. What they had was purely beneficial on both sides. Tyler liked sex and it was hard enough for either of them to find someone who could cope with the hockey lifestyle (there were few Abby Sharps in the world). So the sex they had - great sex - was enough for both of them. Made their friendship closer, even, especially after Jamie got serious with Katie and Tyler looked wounded whenever her name was brought up. Jordie suddenly found himself with Tyler's attention more as Tyler tried to distance himself from what he wanted but couldn't have.

It worked for them, the “no strings attached just bros helping out bros” thing, but then Jordie had to go and let his feelings get in the way. It was hard not to, really, with just how _Tyler_ Tyler was.

***

They were lying out in Tyler's yard, watching the fire make shadows on the walls. Jordie was too drunk not to pretend he wasn't staring at Tyler's lips as he waxed poetic about the great day they'd had. Taking the dogs to the park. Lunch at their favourite cafe that let them bring the pups. Fucking around playing NHL17 that led to fucking around of the physical kind and Jordie borrowing some sweats because of the come stain Tyler left when he couldn't swallow it all.

All in all, a great day off after a long roadie that led into a pretty chill night. Beers and Tyler's outdoor fire pit and some decent tunes on a Spotify playlist Tyler'd put on playing soft in the background. It was all too easy for Jordie’s mind to wander, imagining that instead of this being something they did once in a while it was a more permanent thing. Sharing their thoughts and each other's space and knowing for sure that what Jordie felt for Tyler was reciprocated.

Those stupid smiles that lit up Tyler's face were just for Jordie. Just for him alone.

Even though they hadn't heard from Jamie since waving him off when they touched down, it didn't take long for Tyler to bring him up. Consequently bringing Jordie down with the fact that he wasn't and wouldn't be first in Tyler's thoughts.

“Like, look at our babies. Marshmallow and Casharoo love Juicey and Juicey loves them. Why can't it be that simple, yeah?” Tyler whined, wiggling his body around until he had his head nearly on the ground and his feet swung over the top of the seat.

“It's not even like he has a dog, and he could have one,” he mumbled, frowning before he swung himself upright, grabbing his beer along the way and pointing it in Jordie's direction. “You have a dog! And I have a dog - well, dogs.”

This puzzled look crossed Tyler's face and Jordie found himself biting back a snort because fuck if Tyler's ridiculous “got lost in my own story” face wasn't endearing.

“We are _great_ daddies,” he said, with a grin that Jordie found he could only nod in agreement with. He probably should have stopped after that fifth beer but they had tomorrow off and if they were both as drunk as Jordie felt then he wouldn't need any more proper coordination for a sloppy handjob once they made it inside.

“Maybe that's why we aren't meant to be. Like, I need a dog person . . . like you.”

_Like you._

“What we have is good, great.” Tyler hiccoughed and Jordie held his breath, waiting for whatever Tyler had to say next.

Jordies heart was pounding in his ears because he'd wanted this. Maybe not a drunken, rambled declaration of interest, but something like it all the same. They’d been doing this for half of last season and all of this and maybe. _Maybe._

He should say something. Now, in this not so sober time of night with Tyler looking so soft and talking about how they were together, it was the perfect time. Yet as soon as Jordie cleared his throat, thought of how to broach maybe changing what they were doing, he looked up and. Tyler'd fallen asleep sitting up, head tilted back so he was snoring like a fucking chainsaw.

It was probably for the best anyhow.

***

If he sat there hating himself through the next two beers they'd brought out, creepily watching Tyler sleep, well. There were only three dogs around to notice and they'd been too busy trying to sniff each other's balls to pay attention Jordie at all.

***

“Shh, Jordie, you gotta be quiet.”

Quiet? How Tyler ever thought Jordie was going to attempt anything like being quiet when the head of his cock was being squeezed in the tight confines of Tyler's throat was a joke. He nodded anyway, pressed his lips together hard and slid his fingers around the curve of Tyler's ear. One touch, one soft touch during moments like this was usually all he'd allow himself.

Tyler resumed with a hum and Jordie bit at the inside of his lip as his knees shook. He'd been wound up so tight from tonight's loss and the one before that and the one before that that he wasn't even thinking about where they were doing this. It wouldn't be weird for Jordie to be in Tyler's room, but loud groans echoing into the hall might be something else entirely.

Jordie’s head thunked against the door and Tyler cocked a brow while his tongue continued to flutter on that sensitive spot under the ridge of Jordie's cock. He huffed loud through his nose and stretched a hand up over Jordie's chest, fingertips wiggling against Jordie's chin. Jordie groaned again, licking over his lips quickly as Tyler slid three fingers into Jordie's mouth, and fuck. Tyler always seemed to know what Jordie needed, what would dial up past ten whatever they were doing.

It wasn't enough. Just the tips pressed on Jordie's bottom lip, just a taste of Tyler's skin, all salty sweet and this side of dirty. He wanted more. He gave in to the shake in his thighs and pushed Tyler off of him. Jordie dropped to his knees, back arched away from the door. Tyler blinked back at him for a moment, a look of confusion on his face before Jordie whined and wrapped his hand around Tyler's wrist, pulling him close and guiding Tyler's fingers back into his mouth. It was better now, Jordie's tongue pressing up against Tyler's second knuckle, humming sweet and soft as Tyler shuffled in, lips brushing a wet kiss at the tip of Jordie's dick before sinking down deep.

Everything felt better now. Tyler's fingers muffled Jordie's moans and _fuck_ if Jordie was going to last much longer. It was an effort to keep his hips still as Tyler rested Jordiescock on the flat of his tongue, his breathing a harsh sound between them. Tyler's dark eyes blinked up owlishly at Jordie, wetness clumping his lashes before he took Jordie in again. Voices echoed in the hall, laughter and something familiar but Jordie didn't have time to parse why as Tyler's free hand squeezed Jordie's ass, bringing him in deeper still. Jordie's teeth pressed into Tyler's knuckles as that feeling in his gut wound tighter and tighter with each flutter of Tyler's throat.

He tried to warn Tyler, tried to make more of a sound than a gurgle around Tyler's fingers, but it wasn't much different from the _god, fuck, yes_ sounds from before. With a shaking hand, he touched softly at Tyler's cheek, groaned at the feel of his dick filling out the shape of it.

A knock at the door had Jordie's eyes widening as a voice that definitely wasn't Jordie's called Tyler's name. Jordie felt it like a blow when Tyler pulled off, his eyes shiny and wet as he grinned up at Jordie and answered all gruff and low.

“Yeah?”

“Oh, were you asleep? It doesn't matter.” Jamie's telltale sigh came muffled through the wood.

“Nah, not yet. You want something?” Tyler’s lip curled on the left, a hint of dimple in his cheek as he stroked Jordie's cock fast and tight.

“ _Can you be quiet? Be good_?” Tyler whispered soft. Fuck, this wasn't fair at all. Jordie's cheeks felt almost burning. Tyler's love of near getting caught when they were at team parties and Stars events was one thing, but this was Jordie's _brother._

Oh god, Jordie's heart and head were at war with how close he was and how nonchalant Tyler acted, starting this conversation with fucking Jamie of all people. Jamie, for whom Jordie knew Tyler would give up anything he and Jordie had if there was even a hint of Jamie having any interest in Tyler in this way at all.

Tyler shushed him silently, pushed his fingers down on Jordie's tongue as Jamie ummed and ahhed over maybe watching a movie if Tyler was up for it. Tyler hummed for a minute, lips a vibration right over the crown of Jordie's dick. Jordie could only breathe in deep, stomach muscles tensing as Tyler twisted his wrist and oh fuck.

Tyler's eyes slid shut and Jordie could barely keep his open as he came in hot stripes over Tyler's cheek, lips and a line over his nose. Jordie's hips bumped against the door as Tyler tugged the last dribble from Jordie's over sensitive dick, shuddering through the end of his orgasm. A whine caught low in Jordie's throat as Tyler blinked up at him slow, pink tongue circling over his lips.

“Give me a few,” he said with a grin. Jamie murmured something in return that Jordie ignored because Tyler was sliding his soaked fingers down Jordie's chin, gripping his jaw with Jordie's spit as he leaned in and kissed Jordie deep. Jordie forgot about the ache in his chest for a moment as he tasted himself on Tyler's tongue, lapped at his own jizz on Tyler's face before kissing him sloppy.

“God, you’re so good. So good for me, and that was so fucking hot, Darth.” Tyler's voice was shot but Jordie could still hear warmth there. Feel some sort of pride that he'd done what Tyler wanted.

“Did you, have you? Stay for a bit, Jamie won't mind,” Jordie hated himself for saying anything when he already knew what the answer would be. Tyler always left at Jamie's call. Jordie was stupid to think he wouldn't this time; he had done all the last. Jordie was lucky, really, that he’d actually kept Tyler long enough to get off.

Tyler shifted back to look at him but Jordie couldn't. He couldn't handle whatever form of pity or confusion Tyler would show, not this time. He ducked his head and mouthed at the little piece of skin on show below Tyler's collar. They hadn't even taken their clothes off. Fuck, Jordie still had his full suit on. Tyler had only unzipped his pants and pulled his cock out when Jordie had been dragged into the room and shoved against the door.

It was moments like this that had Jordie thinking Tyler wanted him just as much in return. And then there were moments like this, when Tyler pressed his lips to Jordie's cheek before moving away completely, when Jordie remembered it was nothing like he wanted at all.

“Nah, I’m good. Made a mess, though,” Tyler said, hand waving in front of his suit pants where there was a definite dark spot. “So if you wanna head out I'm gonna shower and hang with the other Benn for a while.”

Jordie nodded slow, swallowing down the lump in his throat.

***

He didn't move until minutes after he heard Tyler turn the shower on. He hated how easy he was for Tyler. How stupidly entangled he'd let his feelings become. How it made him hate Jamie for something he had no idea existed, or why Jordie had nearly stopped talking to him at all. Avoiding his brother like the plague on nights when Jamie wanted to hang out, postponing lunch dates like he had a life outside of the one that Jamie knew about. It was easier to just avoid Jamie and his questions at all costs.

Mostly, Jordie hated himself for ever thinking he could ever do anything casual.

Benn’s just weren't made that way, after all.

***

Jamie broke up with Katie a week before they found out they'd scraped by into a wildcard spot.

Jordie didn't like to think about it being a coincidence that Tyler stopped dropping by from that moment on.

***

They were four games in - two wins, two losses, in that order - when there was a knock at Jordie's door. It was late, far too late for it to be one of the guys dropping by. The grind of their season was only being added to by what felt like a minute by minute fight they'd had on the ice every game since. Sleep, eating, and lacing up were the only things anyone had time for.

He was halfway between easing his bruised body out of the comforting hold his sofa had on him, and just ignoring whoever it was when he heard the key in the lock. There were only three people who had keys to this apartment and he was here, so.

“Jordie?”

Tyler's voice was soft and almost hesitant as it rang through the apartment. Jordie heard him toeing his shoes off, keys jangling in his hand loud enough to have Juice lifting his head from his paws. Jordie lay back down and hushed Juice. “It's only Segs, bud.” Juice huffed, cocked his head to the side, then lay down.

“In here,” Jordie called out louder, rearranging the pillow he had under his hip from earlier. He'd gone into the boards hard in the last game, and even though he'd spent most of the night icing it the ache was still bone-deep.

He ignored the twist in his stomach as Tyler came into sight. He looked as tired as Jordie felt - maybe more so with how many extra minutes he'd played - eyes barely blinking open and even his smile lopsided. He was wearing old sweats that Jordie knew had a tear in the crotch that you could fit your pinkie through. His hands were covered by the cuffs of a Kelowna Rockets hoodie that was miles too big, but not as faded.

Jamie always looked after his belongings.

It made something inside of Jordie freeze up. Had him snapping before he could even censor his tone.

“I'm not up for anything tonight, Tyler, so you might as well go home.” Jordie tugged at the blanket he’d thrown over the top of the sofa, struggling to get it over his body as it tangled at his knee.

‘I don't . . . I. Here.” Tyler pulled the blanket out of Jordie's hands and swept it up over Jordie's body, patting at his ankle and smiling soft.

Jordie didn't try to hide the frown on his face at Tyler just taking over. Didn't say anything as Tyler's face fell before he turned away, walking over to Juice’s bed. Juice, the traitor, started to wag his tail as Tyler crouched down on his knees and scratched him between the ears. He bussed a kiss to Juice’s head after he whispered something too soft for Jordie to hear. It wasn't fair that Tyler acted like this, so nice and sweet and never actually realising how much he was playing with Jordie's heart. It wasn't fair that Jordie's dog seemed to own more of Tyler's affection than his owner did.

Everything was wrong about what Jordie was doing with Tyler. It was a stupid idea that he could ever be happy with a sometimes. With a portion of what he wanted. But as Tyler knee-walked back over to the couch, Jordie wasn't sure if he'd be able to live without the something he did have if it all went badly should he ever speak up.

“Missed you this week,” Tyler said soft, his fingertips brushing almost hesitantly across Jordie's knuckles where he held the top of the blanket to his chest. His eyes were so warm and soft but Jordie wasn't about to be pulled in by them. Not this time.

“I saw you every day. We even played a game together a few hours ago,” Jordie huffed, not adding that he knew where Tyler had been spending most of his free time. Not with this brother Benn.

Tyler rolled his eyes, dimples pressed into his cheeks with his grin. “Yeah, but that's different.”

“Did you want something, or did you just come here to say hi to Juice?” Jordie snapped. His hip hurt and Tyler was here and wearing Jamie's clothes. It was a lot. It made that twist in his gut slice in deeper, a burn that seemed to spark up in his throat.

He gripped the blanket tighter in his fist, almost like a way to distance himself further from Tyler's touch. He had this hurt look on his face that Jordie could almost feel. Jordie almost wanted to take back the little he'd said from how Tyler was reacting.

Tyler's shoulders sagged, his hand shifted back until he was barely even touching the edge of the sofa, let alone anywhere near Jordie. “I just, I didn't want to be alone. You always said I was welcome here, but I can go,”

Jordie closed his eyes, dragged a hand down over his face, tugging at his beard. He had said that. He and Jamie had meant to be people that Tyler could lean on when he first came to Dallas. Give him some place to ground himself. People he could hopefully learn to trust in the long run.

“I did and I do,” he found himself saying with a sigh. Could feel himself giving in and hating himself for it as he lifted up a corner of the blanket. His sectional was mostly wide enough for two. If you sort of squashed one of you against the back and the other lay - like Tyler was now - half on top of the other.

Tyler shifted around so most of his body weight was off the side Jordie was bruised on, his head on Jordie's chest high enough that Jordie could smell the familiar tropical scent of whatever shampoo Tyler used when he breathed in deep. It wasn't there, though, which shouldn't have been anything too telling. People changed brands or got bored with the same thing sometimes.

Yet the scent was oddly familiar just the same.

Jordie couldn't relax fully. Felt rigid under Tyler’s weight as he wrapped an arm over Jordie's middle. Asked with a quiet, concerned “ _Is this all right?_ ” when Jordie flinched as Tyler's fingers brushed the mottled purple, near navy-blue skin hidden under the light long sleeve tee Jordie was wearing.

It took another minute of feeling Tyler breathe, deep and consistent, for Jordie to bring his free arm up to wrap over Tyler's waist, holding him close. Another minute, and his fingers started stroking soft over the small of Tyler's back, just under his hoodie where his skin was hot. Jordie's eyes fluttered closed as things seemed to settle between them. Juice’s soft snores started up and Jordie near relaxed completely.

Tyler was _here_ with _him_. He may have been wearing Jamie's clothes and his hair might smell different but it was okay. It would always be okay if this is where Tyler ended up. If this - at the end of the day - was where Tyler wanted to be. If he came home to Jordie.

Maybe it could be enough.

“This is just what I needed.” Tyler broke the silence later, a moment so long that Jordie was near lulled into sleep.

Jordie hummed in acknowledgement. He ran his hand further up the line of Tyler’s spine, over the bones that he could only now feel as Tyler's muscle mass decreased in their playoff run.

Tyler chuckled softly, a sound Jordie could feel vibrating over his chest. “I don't know how you got so good at it. Your brother has no idea how to snuggle at all.”

Jordie's hand stilled on Tyler’s back.

“Probably why Katie left him. Like trying to hug a tree or something, no return at all. It's why I came straight here after.”

Jordie didn't want to hear any more. It all added up. Jamie’s hoodie, the way Tyler fucking reeked of Jamie's fucking shampoo. His body wash.

He shoved Tyler off before even thinking about what he was doing. Stood up and hobbled toward his bedroom, ignoring Tyler calling his name.

“Fuck, Darth, you could have just asked me to get up.” Tyler’s tone was light but there was a little confusion under that. The anger burning through Jordie's blood didn't allow him a second to really care about any of that.

Fuck Tyler for coming here after . . . fuck him for making Jordie feel like . . . .

“I'm really no good for company, Tyler. You can sleep on the couch or you can go home, I don't care,” Jordie spat, finding it hard to keep the hurt out of his voice. He was almost vibrating on the spot. Wanted to turn and punch Tyler in his pretty mouth or collapse and cry like he hadn't since his last girlfriend left. And that was the rub, wasn't it? Tyler was never that to him, no matter how much Jordie wanted it. He was never brave enough to ask and now he wouldn't have Tyler at all. He hurt and he was so fucking angry - angry at himself for the most part, but Tyler, too - the ache he'd caused himself was splitting his chest apart.

“I don’t . . . was I, I was trying to be careful. I didn't mean to hurt you,” Tyler said, and Jordie knew his brow would be crisscrossed with lines, not understanding Jordie's change in behaviour. Jordie wasn't in the mood to explain it now. To show Tyler how stupid Jordie'd been for falling so fucking hard when all he'd ever been was a stopgap for someone else. Someone far too close to home.

And Christ, he'd have to see them all the time. During practice, at meals on away games . . . at Christmas with the entire family.

Jordie was going to be sick.

He waved a hand behind him, indicating that Tyler should just go. He barely heard Tyler getting up, shushing Juice who’d shot up with a surprised bark when Tyler had landed on the floor. Blood seemed to be whooshing in Jordie's ears at an alarming rate as he heard Tyler make his way out.

He'd never been happier that he’d stocked the bar up after New Year’s. Especially since he planned on seeing how much of it he could get through during the rest of the night.

***

“Are you hungover?” Jamie asked, eyes big and filled with concern that turned sharper with Jordie's grunt and shrug. He didn't want to talk to Jamie as much as he'd successfully avoided Tyler already on the ice. He may have been leaning on his stick a little heavier than normal. Might have knocked into Dan a few times on their warmup laps, but it was a warmup and they were all getting a little haggard going into this fifth game.

He probably should have stopped drinking at three, not four this morning. Especially since this was an early skate.

“Are you . . . are you still fucking _drunk_ , Jordie?” Jamie continued in an incredulous tone, hand squeezing tight over Jordie's forearm.

It hurt and Jordie's head was pounding and his eyes ached. His whole body felt raw.

Jamie cursed again and pulled Jordie closer to the side of the rink as Nemo shifted in goal, Sharpy and Spezza taking turns shooting one-timers toward the net.

Jordie stared at a loose thread on his glove, could almost feel the glare Jamie would be sending his way.

“You're so lucky that Ruff is focused on Eaves’ ankle right now. What the fuck were you thinking?”

Jordie didn't speak, didn't have anything other than an answer that had nothing to do with the game they were paid well to play. Their mother had taught them not to say anything unless it was nice.

There was literally _nothing_ that Jordie could say to Jamie now.

Jamie’s sigh sounded tired, maybe a little frustrated even, as he pulled Jordie closer again, their shoulders bumping.

“Is this about Tyler? Because last night—”

Jordie shoved at Jamie sharply, sending him into the boards. “Don't even fucking start with him,” he spat, temper flaring as fast as quicksilver and just as hot.

Jamie's eyes flew open wide, confusion in the tilt of his head. “I know you're ignoring him and you've been shooting me looks since you got in. Did Tyler tell you—”

Jordie pushed at him again, knocking Jamie's helmet against the glass with an audible crack. Jordie heard someone call out to them but it was easy to ignore. Easy to focus his hurt, anger, and above all, jealousy on Jamie above anything else.

“You've always known he liked you, let him be all over you when you knew damn well it wasn't the same for you,” Jordie spat, knocking Jamie against the glass again, gripping Jamie’s jersey tight over his chest. Jamie wasn't even trying to push him away, arms lying prone by his sides. It was fucking infuriating.

“Jordie, you've got this wrong, it wasn't—”

Jordie shoved at him again. Either everyone was giving them space or they hadn't noticed. It was probably the former. “Wasn't like that?” Jordie near hissed. “Wasn't Tyler in your fucking clothes smelling like you? You want me to believe it was anything other than what it was?”

Jamie's mouth dropped open as he shook his head. His cheeks were flushed red and Jordie knew. Knew then, with just that tint of colour covering Jamie’s cheeks and inching down his neck, that he was right. He hadn't really believed he could be until that very second.

Tyler's voice called his name across the ice, but it just spurred the heat in his veins along, made his grip so tight his knuckles were white.

“Tyler? We . . . it isn't—” Jamie tried again, but Jordie’d had enough.

Jordie's fist hit Jamie's cheek on one side, the other above his hip and mostly padding. Jordie didn't pause to consider the placing of each punch, just hit and hit because it hurt. It hurt so fucking much, and even if Jamie wasn't fighting back he didn't need to. Jordie already knew he wouldn't win this fight. Not when it was over before it had begun.

***

He was a healthy scratch for the game that night. Playoffs, sibling rivalry, or whatever it was, Lindy wouldn't have it on his ice.

***

Two minutes into the third and they got scored on again. There was little hope they'd get back four points. Not after Tyler’d been hassled all night, consistently herded into the boards or hit in barely legal moves until the clock was winding down to the last six minutes and the game was paused because Tyler hadn't got back up off the ice.

Jordie itched to do what Jamie and a Rouss had done. Gloves off, sticks dropped and punches thrown left, right ,and centre. It was a near brawl on the ice, half the fucking bench out there as tempers flared, and Tyler. Tyler's lips were moving but he still had two trainers hovering close by. Jamie pushed away from the pack only when he must have realised that Tyler was still down. Jordie's heart was in his throat and he couldn't breathe until Tyler finally stood, limping off the ice with Jamie taking most of his weight on the left side.

Penalties were given, and in some ridiculous outcome it was five on three for the next five with Jamie and Rouss in the box. It was Jordie's own fault he couldn't do anything to help. He'd pushed past the anger he felt earlier, it was now heated burn tinged with regret that he'd let the team down. He hated that he'd sat here with Oduya and Sharpy, who had legitimate reasons not to be down on the ice. There was no concussion protocol or wrist injury or sprained ankle that had him sitting up here. Even though neither of them was on the ice when it happened that morning, word had surely got around as neither had uttered more than a hello when Jordie walked in the room. He understood that. His actions just might have cost them the game, not to mention the playoffs.

Jordie couldn't sit here and watch the end of this. Couldn't even begin to think about how he'd stomach the commiseration drinks that the entire team would have after. Or if he'd even be wanted there. His stomach rolled with how screwed up this all had become. It was probably the coward’s way, out but he knew he couldn't stay. Couldn't be at the bar watching Tyler and Jamie lick each other's wounds in a way that in all possibility could be literal now.

No.

Sharpy and John didn't say anything as he got up to leave. He probably should've been worried that none of the Stars higher-ups told him to stay either, but Jordie couldn't find it in him to give a shit right now. His staying in Dallas or heading to Austin going into the next season was something to worry about at the end of the extended summer they'd been given now.

He didn't bother with his locker; let that be someone else's worry. Jordie just needed to be away from all of this. From everyone.

***

Driving home to Canada straight from the game was probably a stupid idea, but he needed the distance. He'd always loved road trips, watching the road being eaten up under his wheels, landscapes changing mile after mile.

He would get lost in his music, breathe in and breathe deep when he made pitstops for Juice. Appreciate small town diners and stores and return to being just Jordie instead of the role he played in Dallas, on and off the ice.

Usually he’d fly them both home, but he needed the time. Needed to get lost a little on his own before he had to pick up his responsibilities to everyone around him. There were a lot of things he needed to work through, and taking a few days with his phone off, just his boy and no distractions, should do that.

And it did. For the most part.

When he stopped to sleep somewhere just over the Colorado border, he turned on his phone to set the alarm for the next morning. It took a few seconds before he remembered why he’d turned it off in the first place. His notifications vibrated his phone off the bed and sent it spinning in circles on the floor.

When he looked, his screen was flashing up names one after the other. His mom - and that made him feel like shit, he never forgot to text her if he was travelling - management, Ruff, Hamhuis, Rouss, and a few others had texted or called.

Jamie and Tyler's names vied for the top. Jordie deleted them all without opening them and called his mom.

She was angry, but it was mostly worry that fuelled the use of his full name and the rant about safety and driving in a state of exhaustion. He didn't point out it was why he’d stopped now, he knew what buttons not to push. She mentioned Jamie being worried about him and Jordie's silence must have been enough of an answer because she skipped on to asking about Juice. It was a subject he could talk about with ease so he did, lying on his back against the headboard, his hand smoothing over Juice’s fur.

He was mostly curled under the covers as his mom told him the latest about some girl he’d dated briefly in high school and something about some neighbour’s son. It was nice to hear her voice and maybe it was why her question about Tyler caught him out.

“It's . . . it's complicated, Mom,” he answered, phone hot against his ear because putting it on speaker seemed like too much effort when all he had to do was shove it under his head on top of the pillow to keep patting Juice with one hand and twisting the duvet with the other.

“Baby, it's always less complicated than you think it is. Have you even told this boy how you feel?” she asked, and her softness was something he could almost feel as a phantom caress over the hair near his ear. The same way she'd comforted him when he was sick or sad when he was a kid.

He swallowed against the lump in his throat, sent it down to join the heaviness in his heart. “It's different, Mom. You know in school, growing up, I could always make friends. Always found it easy to learn about people, read them in a way that made building relationships easy. I kind of loved that everyone liked me.”

She hummed, giving him time to sort out what he wanted to say next. It was something that Jamie did too, which made him feel all the worse.

Jordie paused. “How come—” He squeezed his eyes shut tight, because they hurt. Everything fucking hurt. “How come when I really want this person, he . . . I just. I’m not jealous, Mom, I'm not. I - I don't know how to let this go.”

“Oh sweetheart,” she whispered, and Jordie felt a tear and then two roll down his cheek and disappear into his beard.

Crying in a hotel room to his mom: Jordie had definitely hit a new low. He scraped a hand across his face and sat up. ‘It's fine, Mom. It's . . . .” He sighed. “Look, I need to sleep and take Juicey boy out one more time, so I've gotta go. I'll text you when I'm closer to home. Love you, bye,” he finished, not wanting to hear whatever placating thing she'd have to say.

He had to handle this on his own.

***

He’d been at the cabin for a week when he heard gravel crunching under tyres and Juice barking in a way that was familiar. Not frightened or angry when it was someone he didn't know. It was probably Jamie. He knew Jamie would have figured out where he’d gone. It was the same place they’d come last year, albeit a little further along the coast because this year it was the land Jordie’d bought on his own. A place that had a shabby cabin with a half rotten ramp down to a wooden boat that'd seen better days. It came with the place, but there was no way Jordie was setting foot in it.

He finished cutting the next log he had stacked up; it wasn't like he needed any more firewood - or any, really, it wasn't that cold at night - but he liked getting lost in the rhythm of it. He lined up another as he heard a door open and close and then there was some excessive barking and yipping that had him looking up. It was probably a bad idea to look up mid-swing. He lost his grip on the axe and only maintained his hold on the end through pure luck.

Tyler was crouched on the grass as Juice jumped all over him before he ran off to chase Cash. Marshall had his nose to the ground, sniffing out whatever it was that dogs do when they're somewhere new. The dogs kept returning to Tyler and knocking him on his ass as they licked his face and tumbled over each other. Eventually, Marshall peeled off and found Jordie, his tail wagging slow behind him as his chocolate brown coat shone in the midday light. Jordie swallowed down the lump that formed in his throat as he leaned down to scratch Marshall behind the ears, tried to quell the rapid beat of his heart at seeing Tyler here. Here in a place where he'd planned on bringing him before it had all gone so very wrong.

“Hi,” Tyler called soft, but it hit Jordie like a punch to the gut and he had no air in his lungs to answer.

He focused on keeping the grin that formed on his face from patting Marshall, only to have it slip down as Juice and Cash’s playful yips caught Marshall’s attention and he dashed away. Jordie had to look up then, had to face the fact that Tyler was here in this space that Jordie'd been building into his own. A place he'd come to put himself back together, and now the reason he'd been so torn up was right here in front of him. It wasn't fair, was what it was. He probably could have handled Jamie dropping by unannounced. His mom would eventually make them talk before the summer was out, he knew that, but Tyler.

Tyler was an unknown.

Jordie took a shaky breath in slow and deep as he could as he straightened up, all that yoga they did at practice coming into play. Well, mostly. He still felt like there was a buzzing under his skin that wouldn't fizzle out. It was worse, much worse, when he took in Tyler standing in front of him.

He had those stupid kicks on that Jordie hated. Tyler went on and on about how hard they were to keep white. There was already a greenish brown stain on the left toe and something black sprayed across the side of the right. His dark skinny jeans were near painted on and looked out of place along with the navy button-down and a cap that'd seen better days turned backwards on his head. His eyes looked tired, face drawn, but a hint of dimple was still there as he smiled somewhat shyly back at Jordie.

It shouldn't have made Jordie feel as much as it did, make him want to forget everything and take the few steps between them to fold Tyler up in his arms.

He stood still, straightened his back and crossed his arms, axe blade glinting in the sunlight.

“You're not an easy man to find. I think I drove by this place three times before I spotted the turn. Pretty tucked away, eh?” Tyler shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced up at Jordie with a hint of pink dusting the top of his cheeks.

Jordie said nothing. Still trying to come to terms with the fact that Tyler was actually here, especially with how they’d left things. He still felt so hurt and angry about it all. About how Tyler had treated him, even if Tyler didn't know how much he meant to Jordie, that it was so much more than Tyler had originally signed up for.

“How's that cabin even standing, man? Looks like a good wind would—”

“You don't have to sleep in it, Tyler.”

“No.” Tyler shook his head. “You're right, I don't. I don't even know why I'm saying this.”

Jordie sighed, dropping his arms to his side, tapping the axe head to his thigh. “Why are you here, Tyler? If you're here to check up on me you don't have to. Mom and Dad know where I am, and I'll be fine by the time we have to be back in Dallas. I can be okay with you and Jamie, I just need some time—”

Tyler's abrupt “What?” cut Jordie off. Tyler's brows rose high, lining his forehead. “Me and Jamie?”

Jordie nodded, seemingly having run out of words.

“There is no ‘me and Jamie’, Jordie. Never has been.”

“You don't have to let me down easy or anything. It wasn't too hard to figure out when you were wearing his clothes, Ty.”

Tyler scraped a hand down his face, his playoff beard trimmed back to its usual length, making his jaw look sharp. “That’s . . . that's why you did all of that? Started a fight with your brother, pushed me away, and fucking ran out on all of us?”

Jordie shrugged, turning his back on Tyler to heft his axe into the block of wood. It was easier not to look at Tyler. Not to have to see his face as he explained away or apologised for any of it.

“It is what it is.”

“Fuck, Jordie.” Tyler laughed, but it didn't sound like he found anything all that funny. “I spilled a drink, all right? I slipped and spilled a fucking Coke on my shirt and Jamie let me have a shower and borrow some clothes because I didn't have a drawer there like I do at yours.”

Jordie still didn't say anything. Tyler did, was the thing. Jordie had made him one when he kept finding Tyler's hoodies and jocks in his hamper. It meant something to Jordie but he’d never thought Tyler noticed. Never thought Tyler knew it was there.

When Tyler spoke again it was quieter, softer somehow, and it hurt Jordie more than he’d thought it would.

“I went over to check on Jamie because he's my _friend_ , Jordie. My best friend who broke up with his girl, and I wanted to make sure he was okay. He might have got a little possessive over his Jack and Coke and I ended up with it on me, but it was fine because in the end he just needed someone to talk to and a hug. Once he fell asleep I came to you because I was so fucking thankful that I had you in my life, had someone who was there for me, someone who I loved and thought loved me . . . and then you pushed me away like you did?”

There was this huff of breath and Jordie could almost picture Tyler shoving at his cap, scraping his fingers through his hair. “You think I could really sleep with your brother and then come and snuggle with you?”

Jordie's chest felt like it was in a vise. It was all he could do to remember to breathe. Everything hurt and it sounded so stupid with the way Tyler was putting it now. Sounded like Jordie was an idiot, but still. He still couldn't let go of all the times he’d seen how Tyler had looked at Jamie. How often he'd been all over him and how at the first sign of interest, Tyler dropped everything to be at Jamie's beck and call.

“Maybe . . . maybe we didn't have what I thought we did. Maybe I shouldn't have come here at all.”

Tyler sounded so broken and resigned that Jordie had to turn around. Had to see if Tyler was being as honest as his words claimed to be.

He looked gutted.

Jordie blinked hard, ignored the swell of tears just waiting to be shed. He focused on the dirt beneath his feet, tipped a rock with the toe of his shoe.

“But you always wanted him. I was just—”

“Just what?” Tyler raised his voice. “You think I'd have you as a stand-in until Jamie noticed me or took pity on me? Fuck you, Jordie. Yeah, what we were doing might have been casual at the start, but I thought that's how you wanted it. You never asked for more and I didn't either.”

“Well, we're both dumb then,” Jordie shouted, eyes focused back on Tyler's which were near blazing with emotion.

“I guess we are!” Tyler threw back, chest heaving like this was taking as much out of him as it had Jordie. He felt wrung out by all of this. Admitting that he thought Tyler pitied him, hearing that Tyler didn't feel that way at all. Not one bit.

There was a silence between them for a few moments, interspersed only by the dogs’ playful sounds and grass moving on the hill. Each were getting their breath back as Jordie stared anywhere but at Tyler, wasn't sure he could face him right now. If Tyler even wanted him to.

“I'm sorry I made you feel like that,” Jordie started, feeling like it was what he should have said a lot earlier.

“I'm sorry I never explained myself, didn't ask what you thought we were doing. What you wanted for us both.”

“What do you want?” Jordie asked, and his voice trembled just the slightest bit as he looked up at Tyler from where he'd let his head drop before.

“Now?”

“Yeah.” Jordie took a breath, swallowed around the knot of anxiety that had formed in his throat. They'd said a lot but he still needed to know. “You, you said _loved_ , Tyler. You said you loved me, and I know what I want, but I have to know, I have to know what you want now.”

“Well, I didn't drive all the way to Canada just to tell you off,” Tyler chuckled.

“Tyler—” Jordie almost whined. He needed to know, needed this answer more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.

“You,” Tyler yelled, throwing his hands up in the air, cheeks red and flushed. “I want you, all right? I want you snoring in our bed and arguing about who's cleaning up the dog's' shit when we take them out for walks. I want us not to sneak around in each other's rooms when we're on roadies but to just share one. I want you to come to New England and party with me and my friends on July 4th. I want you to chase after Kulikov when he checks me into the boards like he does whenever we play the Panthers.”

“I always do that,” Jordie pointed out, took a step forward.

“I know,” Tyler huffed with a laugh, smiled. Spoke next in a more regular tone. “I just want you, Jordie. But if that's too hard, or too much after all of this, well . . . I still want you in my life. Not just as my teammate, but we can be friends. We've done that before.” He shrugged, like it wouldn't kill either of them to go back to that.

“What if don't want that?”

Tyler's shoulders dropped.

Jordie smiled - couldn't help it, really - stepped closer again.

“What if I want everything that you do? What if friends won't ever be enough because it never has been?”

Tyler looked up and there was something happier in his dark eyes, a little shadow of a dimple in his left cheek. Jordie breathed out. Breathed in.

He wasn't sure who moved first, or if the space between them just disappeared like magic. He did know that his hands cradled Tyler's face like they were made to fit there, that his lips found Tyler's without hesitation, with nothing but truth and honesty between them.

The kiss they shared next was like the first time and more. It was biting and passionate like the hurt they'd caused each other. It slowed, deep, and soft like the feelings they'd both admitted to. It ended in smiles and laughter because it was _them_ , and because they had three pups that had been ignored too long and chose that moment to playfully shove at their dads, knocking them both to the ground.

***

“How'd you even know I was here? Did you talk to my mom?”

Tyler shook his head back and forth, his stubble rasping over Jordie's chest in a way that had his dick taking interest, even though it had barely been an hour since he came inside Tyler’s mouth.

“You told me about it when you were thinking about buying up here. Said if this lot came up for sale you'd find a way to make it yours.”

Jordie hummed quietly as he thought about when he ever could have mentioned it. Ran his fingertips over the warm skin of Tyler's shoulder and side where he was wrapped over Jordie, head lying on Jordie's chest.

“Ty, that was almost three years ago. We weren't even . . . I don't think I mentioned where again even when I bought the place,” Jordie stared down at the top of Tyler's head, a little in awe.

He could feel the heat on Tyler’s cheeks before he answered, snuggling closer to Jordie as if there'd been any room between them before.

“I remember things you say that are important to you. It's what you do when . . . .”

Tyler led off but Jordie knew now what he was alluding to. They might not have said the words to each other, might not for a while until everything between them was stronger. More sure than their declarations so far have started to cement together.

Still, it was nice to know that Tyler was thinking along those lines, even after everything that Jordie’d put them through.

“Good memory,” Tyler returned quietly, shifting his body up, pressing light kisses over Jordie's chest, neck, and jaw before finally meeting his lips. They were the only words said between them that weren't whispers and moans for a long while after.

***

The thing was, it was never meant to be easy.

Falling in love with Tyler. Figuring out how to have a relationship in amongst working together like they did. Not letting their home life disrupt anything on the ice.

None of it fell into place without some tweaking. Jordie's tendency to get jealous or feel hurt if Tyler spent time with Jamie he battled with for a while, long after he and Jamie cleared the air. Tyler was good at noticing, though, made sure to turn his smile bright on Jordie, be extra close after they'd had a team night out. It settled within Jordie eventually; he became secure in the knowledge that Tyler wanted him, that Jordie was the one he chose again and again, no matter what.

The ice was something Jordie found a little easier. Not to say that he didn't go after anyone who roughed Tyler up in a way that Jordie felt was too much. But he'd do that for anyone, had done and would do again. Even if he knew Jamie was right about getting opposing teams back with pucks in the net and not gloves on the ground. The dressing room became their safe haven, Ruff rolling his eyes when Tyler sat himself in Jordie's lap if one or the other had taken a hit hard. They were together in all the ways that mattered, friends and family and those they cared about most.

It became easier still as their season wore on and Jamie and Katie found their way back to each other. Easier as they started to all click on the ice and their names were attached to playoff contenders, and not maybe a shot in the wildcards.

And Tyler. Tyler made every day worth it. In Jordie's bed when he came home, in the kitchen cutting up vegetables as they both tried to learn to cook more than order out. It was Tyler's hand in his when they sat together on the bus, his shoulder nudging Jordie's as they headed out from team dinners and waited for an Uber.

That's what Jordie has now, the one thing he really wanted. Tyler smiling at him with his lashes sweeping low on his cheeks as they waved off Eaves’ taunts of staying on or heading to a club.

“Nah, man. We're going home.”

**Author's Note:**

> for extremely cute Tyler/Jordie pics that may or may not have kickstarted this FIC please click here [HERE](http://shattered-lens-photography.tumblr.com/post/155320806456/jordie-benn-tyler-seguin-123016)
> 
> Thanks to you for reading! If you want to yell things or ask q's or find some FIC recs or just look at pretty boys my tumblr is [HERE](http:/www.anotherpuckingfandom.tumblr.com)


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